I am in the other room, thinking about an article subject. All of a sudden I hear the roll of a chair, a sudden crash and immediately my mind goes into overdrive. I see before me an image of me running to the room, finding my oldest, Jade, there, lying on the floor, neck at a unnatural angle, her little face full of fear, looking at me. Her sweet angelic voice sounding fearful and confused saying: “Daddy?” As if she expects that I can fix all of this. The rush to the hospital, the fear, the excruciating heart wrenching pain and frustration as they take her into a room where you are not allowed in. The hours of uncertainty, the bad news, the tears as my daughter is paralyzed at a young age from the neck down.
Disturbing images. A primal fear so strong it paralyzes you. And yet, in that split second you don’t move, because that other part of your brain, the rational thinking one, tells you she’s fine. And from the other room you hear her laugh at something on her ipad. So you smile. Parenting is a fearful thing.
Being a father is a strange thing. It can drive you mad with feelings of responsibility and and fear that you’re not going to make the cut. Being a parent is hard, rewarding work. And being a parent is carefully pruning that fear in the back of your mind, so that it can grow smaller as your children grow older. They will land on their feet. So let’s work hard on it everyday. Let’s have faith in our kids.